Sunday, September 29, 2013

Prepared for Anything

In less than 48 hours, I will be standing on the Travis County Courthouse steps auctioning off a house.  I was able to purchase this house because someone trusted and fully believed in me.  I have never let this person down.  I passed on that gift to a girl who threw it away.  She has not been trustworthy nor believable.  She doesn't communicate and when she does, lies slip out for no particular reason.  I understand needing to defend your actions with some justification, but I don't need anything but communication and effort.  That is all I have ever asked for.

This is the fifth time I have filed foreclosure against her in the 38 months she has technically owned the house.  I was incredibly lucky to find a lawyer who has given me the tools to do nearly everything myself.  This has taken a lot of courage, time, effort, strength and guts.  I don't always feel like I have all of those things in the quantities needed.  I'd like to share with you my strategy for these remaining 48 hours before the auction.

I am wearing 5 rings. I never wear rings (usually don't wear any jewelry). I pulled them out as more than good luck charms.  They represent certain people or events that remind me of love and strength and trust.  The one on my right pinky is the commitment ring Dan and I got together   I didn't care about getting married, but something personal was important to me.   Even though Dan and I are not together any more, we still communicate and I have baby sat his dog.  He still trusts me.  And I trust him.  We are good people and this is a reminder that good people can be good even when things don't work out together. Right hand ring finger is a James Avery dove ring. My father saved secretly to buy it for my mother. He had it made in white gold and surprised her their first Christmas. Mom gave it to me some years back. I think it's pretty special and symbolizes love and commitment.  Middle finger right hand is a gold gold ring with six round opals set in a circle around a wee diamond. A ring passed from great grand mother to grand to my mom to me. Opal is my birthstone. I don't wear yellow gold, but this is old fashioned and cool and represents the strength that women have. Left hand first finger is a spoon ring that I found the very first day in the house that Sydney and I bought. It was wedged between the carpet and the wall. This one represents journeys and joy in exploring new things.  Finally middle finger left hand is a teardrop shape emerald with two small diamonds beside it set in silver. This was in the box of junk jewelry my grandmother recently sent me. I love emeralds for the obvious green.  This one represents the saying "one man's junk is another man's treasure."  THAT is the motto of this house!!!!!  

I'm also wearing a necklace... The chain held a locket with my grandfather's photo in it, but fearing I could lose the locket, I am just wearing the chain and added a charm my mom gave me that is a Celtic knot with the word strength on the back. These can represent the strength and unconditional love that exist in family.

Earrings....  I'm wearing the studs that Dan gave me with emerald set in silver... And a set of earrings I made with the OM symbol. Centering, peace, calm, now, acceptance....  

I also have a series of trinkets in my purse that will go in my pocket. 2 stones given to me by my best friend that say "success" and "celebrate", a tiny cat statue that my godfather gave me, a souvenir heart that another friend gave me representing the clients that love me, and the hand luck symbol thingy on a key chain that a musician friend gave me representing the musician friends who love me. 

If I have any doubts, I can note ANY of these items to remember that all of these people love and support me in the here and now. I am lucky and loved and strong. 

Tuesday, September 03, 2013

Flipped Choice

I met a girl who "had no choice."  She declared she had no choice at least a dozen times in the span of 15 minutes.  She was angry, bitter, and blinded.  She blamed events and other people in her life.  She was in misery.

This girl owes me a large sum of money.  She can not consistently pay her monthly payments and I have taken legal action against her 4 times in 3 years.  Something is always wrong and she never gets a break.  When we met recently to make some changes to her debt, she was angry.  She was full of hate toward me.  I was there that day to give her a fifth chance rather than follow through with the legal repossession.  This time, after four legal actions, I decided the interest rate needed to increase to make all of this worth it.  Her credit is absolutely worthless, but the interest rate was only increased to about midway for loans of this type.  She declared that I was taking advantage of her situation knowing that she "had no choice" but to sign this new loan.  She then proceeded to hand me a very large sum of cash as her first payment toward this revised loan.  Still she said, "I have no choice."

I do not know her exact circumstance.  But I DO KNOW that she DOES have a choice.  Let's examine just the part that includes the sum of money she gave me at this meeting.  1. This money could have been used to set up a new situation.  Debt dropped, new situation started.  2. She told me she was offered a job in Houston but decided to take the one in Austin.  She could have moved to Houston, dropped this debt and started over.  3. She told me her mother was lending her money. I offered that Mom could bring her up to date and she can keep her interest rate.  That's three HUGE definite options right there that I know she has.  Maybe there is a reason that each would not be the best for her life, so she chose the one that involved meeting with me and accepting new terms to the loan.  She had choices and she chose this one.

When she says she has no choice and then blames everything around her including me, I feel angry, dismissed, argumentative, disengaged, and stabbed in the back.  She is blaming me for her situation.  This is simply not fair to me.  It's also not fair to her.  How is she ever going to turn this life around?  She is simply surfing a wave of bitterness and anger.  She is surfing situations rather than navigating her life.  She sees no choices.  She doesn't look for creative solutions.  She is just a bottle bobbing the surface of the waves going whatever way the water sees fit.  She has no power, no control.

As the person who is supposed to trust her, how can I?  I know that she is doomed.  She is a person who can not navigate her own life.  She is a person who will tread the waters just enough to stay alive.  She has no way of making her life better.  Honoring a contract is certainly not on her priorities.  She won't look for a way to honor this contract.  She will not look for ways to make her financial situation better.  She is simply a victim of the world.

When you blame someone else for your circumstances, you are not taking responsibility for the choices you made along the way.  You back that person into a corner and make it clear that you are not an empowered stand-alone person.  When you claim victim to another person, you turn them away.  You make it impossible for them to see you in a positive way and no forward dialogue or solution can occur.  People wrong others all the time, but claiming that someone is the cause of your life circumstances is simply not true.  You have choices.  You can be angry about someone's actions toward you, but you need to claim your own choices.