Wednesday, December 27, 2017


If I had stayed married to my first partner, we would be celebrating our 20th anniversary today. This has come to mind this year more than any other year since our divorce because I just got married four days ago. I'm not dwelling on my past marriage in any real way except through the connection of timing. I'm fascinated by timing, coincidence, symbolism, and anything akin to those things. I am fascinated by the passing of time and how it can feel both like an instant and an eternity. I remember my first wedding as if it was a dream, a story I once told, and nothing more. It could have been yesterday or a million years ago, or even entirely fictitious. I have been in close contact with Anne for almost 6 years now, and yet our time seems both like she has always been there and as if we met yesterday. Time is fascinating.

20 years ago today, I wore a beautiful winter wedding gown, stood in a church with bridesmaids dressed in green velvet, and married a man wearing a rented tuxedo. Our mothers coincidentally wore the exact same shade of bright royal blue. The church was still adorned with Christmas flowers and garland. There was even snow outside - this was Amarillo, Texas. My aunt cried. It was a happy day.

It's not that he was a bad person, and I don't believe I was either. We just didn't grow in the same direction. Maybe that's a good reason for divorce and maybe it's not, but that is basically the sum of it. I've been in contact with a few of his family members, but absolutely no contact with him even when I offered him a photo album I made of our years together. Our years were not bad, but maybe he'd rather let go of them altogether than be reminded in photos. I don't blame him for that. We all move on and process life in different ways.

Today, I wish him well. I hope he has found fulfillment and happiness in his life and with the people that surround him. A toast: To life moving this way and that, to people touching our lives for a while and letting go. May all find peace and joy and their ultimate best lives.

No comments: